


The Playground of Angst

by wizardofahz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-16
Updated: 2017-05-16
Packaged: 2018-10-31 05:37:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10892814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wizardofahz/pseuds/wizardofahz
Summary: Together the Danvers sisters can handle anything—pain, betrayal, sorrow—and usually they do. But sometimes they have to handle it alone.





	1. Table of Contents

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be a collection of ficlets with varying levels of Danvers sisters angst. Some will be low key. Some will have whump. Some will even have character death. Either way, it’s all good because nothing sticks in ficland. I’ll try to put relevant content warnings at the start of each ficlet, but if I overlook something, please don’t hesitate to let me know.

While this fic set does center around the Danvers sisters, other characters and relationships will be appearing as well. If you're here for one of the other characters/relationships that was tagged, refer to the table of contents below to find what you're looking for.

 

I. Imbalance: Kara Danvers & J'onn J'onzz

 


	2. I. Imbalance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve had this idea for over a month, but “Alex” gave me the perfect context to fit it into. I know, I know… [Miranda Priestly voice] “A post-ep? For ‘Alex’? Groundbreaking.”
> 
>  
> 
> _Me: Yikes! I should really get this homework done. It’s due in less than an hour._  
>  _My brain: Let’s consider this angsty Danvers sisters scenario instead._  
>  _Me: *sighs* Why are we like this? Okay, let’s consider the following…_

J’onn pauses at the foot of the stairs leading to the balcony where Kara has stationed herself once again. He takes a moment to observe her. Unlike before when she had her head tilted forward almost as if in prayer, this time her head is tilted back as if she is basking in the moonlight.

Alex is alive. That’s certainly a fact worth basking in.

But it isn’t until J’onn approaches that he notices the air of sadness that still lingers about Kara. He decides it’s a topic for later and instead asks, “Listening?”

Eyes still closed, Kara hums before answering, “She’s safely at home now. Maggie’s fussing over her, but Alex is being stubborn.” The slight smile on Kara’s lips widens. “As always.”

J’onn mirrors her smile with one of his own. He’d expect no less. Sometimes the levels of obstinacy Alex reaches—a truly unparalleled feat by most, J’onn is sure—is enough to give him a headache, but it’s become an endearing quality nonetheless.

J’onn lets silence fall as he looks out over the city and lets Kara listen to Alex undisturbed. 

Eventually, Kara opens her eyes and turns to face him. “Is it done?”

The iciness in Kara’s gaze tells him exactly what she’s asking about. J’onn doesn’t enjoy ripping a man’s mind apart and discarding what he sees fit—it makes him feel every bit the monster that men like Colonel Harper expect him to be—but he’s more than willing to do whatever it takes to keep Kara and Alex safe.

“Yes.”

“Good.” Kara looks back out over the city in the direction of Alex’s apartment. “Then Alex is safe.”

“Thanks to you.” When Kara shakes her head, J’onn continues, “You found her. You brought her back safe.”

Kara snorts. “I put her in more danger first.” 

This is a conversation they already had, so J’onn waits to see if Kara’s coming at this from a different angle. 

“If it were me in danger, Alex would’ve—”

“Please don’t use Alex as an example of how to react when a loved one’s in danger,” J’onn says, suddenly feeling exhausted at the mere thought of Alex going off on one of her rampages. 

“But she would’ve gotten my location out of Rick or Thompson earlier. She would’ve made sure of it,” Kara insists.

“She would’ve tried equally as hard as you did”—though significantly more aggressively, J’onn doesn’t add aloud—“but just because she would’ve used different methods, it doesn’t mean they would’ve worked better. You did everything you could. That’s what matters.”

“What if it didn’t matter enough?” Kara asks, looking terrified at the thought.

“I know it’s easier said than done, but you can’t live with ‘what if’s, Kara. They’ll never end.”

He knows it’s easier said than done because he’s also being plagued with the what ifs. What if there was more he could’ve done to get around the mind block Rick somehow had? What if he had gotten a deeper read on Thompson? What if Alex had paid the ultimate price because he hadn’t try hard enough? He hadn’t been lying when he told Kara that Alex was also his most important person.

Even with that in common between them, J’onn can tell he hasn’t gotten to the heart of the matter with what’s really bothering Kara, but maybe that’s okay. It feels like a conversation for Kara and Alex.

But that doesn’t mean he can’t provide a little more comfort.

“Come here.”

Kara hugs him without hesitation. J’onn would be lying if he said he didn’t derive some comfort from it too.

 

* * *

 

After her conversation with J’onn, Kara changes into her suit and flies to Alex’s apartment complex. She uses her x-ray vision to reassure herself that Alex is really there safe and sound then loops around a few times, each time changing her route slightly to check out a different set of surroundings. 

The fourth time she loops around, Alex is standing outside on her balcony. Without second thought, Kara uses her super speed to swoop down and pull Alex inside.

“What are you doing?” Kara asks even though she doesn’t bother waiting for an answer. “You’re supposed to be keeping warm.”

In addition to nearly drowning Alex, Rick had hardly bothered to warm the water. Kara remembers clasping Alex’s freezing hand after breaking her out of the tank. Even as impervious to cold as Kara is, the feeling had sent shivers through her body.

Alex’s upper body is still clad in little more than her tank top, and her pants have been switched out for thinner pajama bottoms. Kara moves her hands around Alex’s body—face, shoulders, arms—checking her big sister for hypothermia.

“I’m fine,” Alex says in a tone that Kara easily translates to mean  _ stop fussing over me _ , while she bats Kara’s hands away. “I was wondering when you were going to come in.”

“I—” Kara starts ready to come up with an excuse, but then she stops. She had never intended on coming in, and lying has never been her strong suit, especially not when it’s Alex on the other end. “I didn’t want to intrude.”

Alex’s brow furrows. “You’re never intruding.”

But she is. Kara knows that her very existence on Earth is an intrusion, has been ever since she was brought into the Danvers home. It’s a fact that she occasionally gets unpleasant reminders of like Alex being annoyed when she gets neglected because Kal’s around or Alex’s delayed coming to terms with her sexuality. Kara’s been trying to be better about boundaries ever since Alex and Maggie got together.

She looks towards Alex’s bed where Maggie is sitting with her laptop. Maggie smiles at her but swiftly returns her attention to the screen in front of her.

Kara figures her insecurity must be written across her face because Alex makes her way over to the couch, plops down on the right side and opens her arms. “Come here.” 

“Can I—Can we—?” Kara awkwardly stutters. Despite being shorter and slighter, as the big sister, Alex is typically the big spoon, but this time Kara needs to hold Alex in her arms.

As always, Alex doesn’t need more than those few sentence fragments to know what Kara wants. She scoots towards the center of the couch and pats the space behind her.

Kara settles down, and Alex immediately leans back into her. Kara wraps her arms around Alex, her hug the perfected combination of tight but not too tight, and presses a kiss into her hair.

It feels like forever since they’ve sat on a couch together like this, so Kara takes a moment to revel in the warmth that she’s missed. She thinks Alex feels the same because she doesn’t say anything either, just nestles her body closer. 

“I love you,” Kara eventually whispers.

Although it wasn’t her intention, their position gives them a good deal of privacy in the open layout apartment. Kara can whisper directly into Alex’s ear, and with Kara’s super hearing, Alex doesn’t need to speak any louder than a whisper either.

“I love you too.”

“No, I mean…” 

It isn’t that Kara doesn’t love Alex or that she doesn’t believe Alex loves her, but she was trying to say more with those three words. 

_ You are my most important person. _

_ I can’t lose you. _

_ I was terrified. _

Coalescing all her thoughts into a coherent stream is proving difficult. Even though Alex is in her arms, the leftover panic and fear from the past couple days decides to jumble everything together. There’s so much she wants to say, so much she needs Alex to understand, that everything’s competing to make itself known first.

“I didn’t like what you said,” Kara says, settling on what she determines to be the crux of the matter. “I don’t want Supergirl to be bigger than you.”

She can feel Alex sigh in her arms. “Kara.”

“I’d give it up for you,” Kara says and makes sure Alex can hear the conviction in her voice.

Because she really does mean it.

Kara has spent the majority of her time on Earth hiding her powers. She knows what it’s like to be able and willing to help but restrain herself to do nothing more than stand by and watch as people suffer. It made her feel miserable and guilty as hell, but she’s willing to put herself through that again. Kara had seen the consequences of helping the first time: a mother and baby saved at the cost of Alex’s broken arm. Even now, she’s seeing the consequences a second time with Alex’s kidnapping. Being Supergirl has made her feel good, but the reason she revealed herself to the world in the first place was because Alex was in danger.

Everything comes back to Alex.

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Alex says, and though her tone is almost too serious, it’s belied by the way she gently squeezes Kara’s forearm, “but you can’t do that.”

“Why not?” Kara asks and instinctively tightens her hold. “You have sacrificed so much for me.”

This time Alex almost made the ultimate sacrifice. She was prepared to die just to prove that Supergirl wouldn’t negotiate with terrorists. Kara’s mind understands the logic, but her heart screams its futility. If Alex had died, only Rick would’ve learned that point. No one else. There would’ve been nothing to stop the next villain from grabbing J’onn, Eliza, James, Winn, Lucy, Lena, or anyone else to try to get Kara to do what they want.

“It’s not the same,” Alex says.

“Because I have super powers?” Kara asks bitterly.

Alex pauses a moment then asks, “Remember when you flew Fort Rozz into space, and then I flew up to get you?”

“Yeah.”

“As Supergirl, you have the ability to save the world, and my job is to save you. But if you save me, then who saves the world?”

“You,” Kara responds without hesitation.

She gets the point Alex is trying to make, horribly reductive though it may be. Supergirl loses a lot of her power if she can be manipulated, which makes those that she protects more vulnerable. But Supergirl doesn’t work alone. 

_ El mayarah. Stronger together _ . 

“I’m flattered, but—”

“Alex,” Kara interjects. 

Alex may not realize it, prone to self-doubt as she is and surrounded by super powered aliens, but she is amazing. Kara wishes Alex could see herself the way she does.

“—we’re going to have to agree to disagree,” Alex finishes.

Kara knows it’s not what she was initially going to say, but she and Alex are stubborn in equal measure. They could spend the rest of the night, the month, and probably their lives debating this. For now, Kara will concede that it would be nice to just have some light-hearted cuddles with her big sister.

“But you didn’t see my crinkle,” Kara faux-whines. 

Alex gasps. “Crinkle? Well, now I know it’s serious.”

Kara giggles, and Alex follows suit.

The imbalance in their relationship still hangs over Kara’s head, but she has her big sister in her arms, alive and safe.

For now, that’s more than enough.


End file.
